What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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