New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
