look no pants
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
