It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
