Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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