It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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