What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
