Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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