And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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