Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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