Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
