I skipped work to stalk him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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