If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
