So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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