dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
