Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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