bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
