Cold hands, warm shart.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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