he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
