Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
