Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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