my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
