you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
