My brain says no but my pants say off.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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