Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
