Just fell off a train. Bad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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