It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
