She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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