The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
