Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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