Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize