i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize