i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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