I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I show you my penis last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
