if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
