The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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