I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
