Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
