What a fucking waste of an outfit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize