alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
