Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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