I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
