well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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