I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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