So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
