so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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