So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
