There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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