I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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