Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
