Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
