she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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