I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
