I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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