My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
