All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
