This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
