This dress was meant to end up on your floor
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
a search helicopter?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
