You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
