then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
