are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
honey bunches of taint.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
