I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
