woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
