A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Holy sore nipples Batman
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize