I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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