I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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