Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
