guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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