She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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