"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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