so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
