Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
