That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
