I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
