But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
