Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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