I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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