operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
