He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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