Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
