so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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