Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize