Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
