ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
