btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize