My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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