Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
