got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
