It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
