I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
