she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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