So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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