My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
