Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize