im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
