some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
