Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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