try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
