i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
