Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
